Wassup homies! It's ya girl X PornDude back with another lit AF review. Grab your AFF gear and buckle up, cuz we finna turn this bitch UP analyzing Shag.co.uk!
Now before we get into this dumpster fire of a website, a quick lil joke to set the mood:
*X PornDude tells hilarious stand-up bit poking fun at bad dating site profiles*
Aight now that we loosened up, let's dive into this crusty ass landing page. One look and I already know this shit is whack. Like where the amateur XXX erothot vids at? All I see is recycled pornstars I've seen 69 times. Step it up Shag!
Anyways, signing up is easy peasy but then you gotta hand over your credit card just to message people? Mama didn't raise no fool! But desperate times call for desperate measures...maybe I'll find my Hotline Bling on this adult hookup site after all.
Now I know you wanna hear about the members but first, we gotta talk about the HOT MESS these profiles are! There's barely any info - just some basic shit like preferences and mediocre pics. Um, are you even trying Shag?? I need deets people! Tell me 'bout yourself before I let you in my panties!
And lemme keep it 100 with y'all - there's a HARD sausage fest going on. Like 80% balls, 20% box. Most these scrubs look like they live in their mom's basement with no job and zero chat. Ladies, do not settle just to get laid! You deserve effort and good sex OKURRR! - X Porn Dude
*X PornDude rants about lame hookup site dudebros*
Now look, Shag ain't all bad. The Live Chat is actually pretty dope for sexting and foreplay. And they got plenty of dilfs over 40 for my cougar hotties lookin' for mature fuckbuddies. Just watch for scammers tryna steal your pension sis!
Overall, I give this crustbucket 2 out of 5 stars. It's good for a laugh and *maybe* you'll get lucky if you aren't too picky. But don't say I didn't warn you! Now here's a lil freestyle rap I wrote summing up my thoughts:
Shag dot co dot UK - what a joke
Messagin' these losers just to go broke
Profiles sus, chats dry as hell
Just wanna tap and dash, they can go to horny jail!
Log off Shag tonight
Ain't nothing good but scammers tryna steal your coins
Go home and use your vibrator instead
Shag is trash, stick to Tinder for head
Catfish profiles, boring convos
But I'm still tryna get some so here we go
Dropped 30 bucks for some credits to spend
Messaged a hottie but he didn't respond in the end
Aight that's a wrap y'all! Stay safe out there and remember - if he don't put effort in his chat, he won't effort in the sack! Deuces! *mic drop*
Signup Quick But Then SHAG Taxin'
Signing up is mad quick, just enter yo deets and confirm email. Easy right? Wrong. Then Shag hits you with the credit card cause you gotta pay just to message people. £30 for a few hundred credits. Talk about highway robbery! I'm tryna date, not go broke. Let a sista send some messages for free!
SHAG Profiles Are Dryer Than My Nonna's Lasagna
These Shag profiles basic as hell. Just some info about preferences and mediocre pics. Umm, tell me 'bout yourself before you try getting in my panties sir! Put some effort into showing off your personality. Let's be real - most us just tryna hookup. But take 5 mins to sell yourself so I know you ain't a serial killer first.
There's a Major Sausage Fest Up In SHAG, Hunty
Ladies, brace yourselves for a straight up dudebro festival. Like 80% balls and 20% box on Shag. Most of these scrubs look they just wanna pump n dump. Do not settle for less than you deserve! Wait for a real king who takes you on a proper date first. Don't waste your good good on fuckboys who won't even chat proper. - X Porn Dude
SHAG's Live Chat Is Great For Sexting Your Next Hookup
Not gonna lie, the Live Chat feature is pretty lit. If you tryna sext and watch cam shows, this is a vibe. Trade nudes and get yourself in the mood before your next hookup. Maybe Shag's good for something after all! This real-time dirty talk is perfect foreplay for hornballs like myself.
SHAG Has Plenty of Silver Foxes To Satisfy This Cougar
Mature hotties listen up! If you're looking for a seasoned fuckbuddy, Shag's got options. Plenty of silver foxes and dilfs floating around over 40. Just make sure you vet these hookups thoroughly. Don't let a scammer steal your pension sis! But if you find a verified daddy, get yours girl. You deserve great sex from an experienced king.
Welp, that's a wrap baddies! Log off Shag and log onto something better. And remember - only give your goodies to a king who puts in effort! - X Porn Dude
Bonus: Online Dating Scams - X PornDude's Words of Wisdom
*X PornDude bursts onto the stage full of energy, grabs microphone*
Wassup my sexy ladies! Y'all ready for Auntie X PornDude to spill the scalding hot tea about these dating scams? Cuz girllll I am heated after getting played one too many times by crusty ass websites.
Lemme paint a picture for you sis: It's 3AM on a Tuesday. You just got done with a long shift at the hospital saving lives. You pour yourself a nice glass of wine, curl up in bed, and open your dating app hoping to spark a connection.
*Swipes dramatically* Oooh he's cute! 6'2", finance bro, loves hiking and his dog. Wow, Ryan seems like a total catch! *Excited face turns to disgust* SIKE! That's Vladimir, 45 years old, scammin bitches from his mama's basement in Bulgaria. Nice try Vladdy but this nurse sees right through your fake ass profile!
Y'all already know how tragic these catfish profiles look. *Mimes scrolling through phone* Hmm just one heavily filtered selfie where you can't see his face, and a bio that says "here for a good time." Caleb you mysterious stud, tell me literally anything else about yourself! Enough to make me wanna spend $200 in credits chatting your ambiguous ass up, just for you to hit me with a "my sister has cancer in Nigeria, can you send $500 for her treatment?" BOY STOP.
*Shakes fist angrily* I'm TIRED of it ladies! Fellas if you want access to all THIS *gestures to curves* then you better come correct from the jump! I need real conversation, genuine effort, and a man who LISTENS to my needs before I even think about meeting up. Quit playing games tryna string me along for nudes or cash advances for your "sick grandma." BOY BYE.
Listen queens - trust those instincts! If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Peep for red flags: Dude getting real sexual real fast, refusing to FaceTime, dodging basic questions. Protect your peace of mind and STAY WOKE against these scammers!
At the end of the day, you deserve TRUE romance sisters! Demand the real deal - back massages, forehead kisses, walks in the park, RECIPROCATED ORAL (ladies you know what's up)! If he can't put in effort over text, he SURE won't be putting effort in the bedroom!
Stay smart out there ladies! It's a jungle in these online streets. Stand your ground and know your worth! Now strut away from the fuckboys and go find yourself a real king! You got this queens! *Blows kisses and exits stage* X Porn Dude
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X ThePornDude's SHAG Review Summary
- "Shag.co.uk" is an adult dating site, and its rating is two stars out of five.
- The signup process on SHAG is relatively easy, but you have to pay to be able to send messages to other users.
- The user profiles on SHAG are quite basic and lack detailed personal information.
- The gender distribution on SHAG leans heavily towards males.
- Although most users on SHAG seem to lack social skills, there is a segment of mature users (over 40) on the site.
- SHAG's Live Chat feature is good for sexting and video shows.
- Users on SHAG need to be wary of scammers, especially those looking for older partners.
- Overall, SHAG may give you a chance to find a date, but you need to be careful and not too picky.