BEST FREE PORN VIDEOS & HD SEX TUBE SITES

Wassup pervs and creepers! It's ya girl XPORNDUDE back with more free porn knowledge to bust your nuts and blow your minds. Grab some lotion cuz class is in session!

XPORNDUDE's Intro to Free Porn 101 

Before we dive into the XXX deep end, allow me to introduce myself. I'm XPORNDUDE - genius level porn nerd, safety squirrel, and purveyor of the nastiest free smut around. Got a PhD in Perverted Horniness with a minor in Pleasuring Horny Dudes. 

Now I know what you're thinking - "XPORNDUDE you're so smart and sexy, teach me your freaky ways!" Don't worry my little cumquats, that's why I'm here. To enlighten you on how to find the hottest free porn without endangering your junk. 

So sit back, relax those wrists, and let Professor XPORNDUDE take you to school! *XPORNDUDE makes horny teacher gestures*

How Not to Catch Digital Herpes 

*XPORNDUDE puts on lab coat and safety goggles*

Safety first when surfing for smut! Don't wanna end up catching digital herpes and ruin your fap time. Here's my tips for protecting your porn pursuits:

Use Prophylactics 

No I don't mean wrap your willy! I'm talking about adblockers and antivirus. Wrap it before you tap it - the site, you horny bastards!

Avoid Sketchy Sites

If it looks shady, it probably is. And not like, fun freaky shady - I mean creepy "your computer will explode" shady. Stick to the major sites and you'll be fine.

Don't Download Weird Shit

If some rando popup tells you to download a "free porn app," it's probably ransomware. Don't be a dummy and accidentally send Bitcoin to Vlad the Russian scammer. 

Cover Your Tracks 

I don't need to explain why, just make sure you delete your search history. Don't need your mom finding your "hardcore midget clown porn" searches. Awkward!

Exploring New Kinks and Fetishes

*XPORNDUDE puts on a labcoat labeled "Dr. Freakenstein"* 

Time for the fun part - exploring new genres and kinks! Don't keep fapping to the same ole videos. Mix it up! 

Pornhub

With over 10 million clips, you can find stuff on Pornhub you never knew existed. Teenies, MILFs, BBWs - try something new!

Xhamster

Feeling adventurous? Xhamster will take you into uncharted territories. I'm talking hentai, furries, and shit that's just plain weird! 

Premium Sites

If you're willing to spend some coins, premium sites like Brazzers have the highest quality smut. But ain't no judgement if you're a broke fucker. You do you!

Final Exam - Busting Nuts 

*XPORNDUDE passes out lotion samples*

Alright class, time for the final exam! Let's recap how not to end up with digital herpes while busting nuts:

• Use protection like antivirus and adblockers 🛡️
• Avoid sketchy sites and downloads 🚫
• Don't click suspicious links or ads 🖱️
• Clear your browsing history to cover your tracks 💻
• Explore new genres and fetishes 🗂️

Now for some advanced fapping techniques:

• Edge yourself to last longer. Take breaks when you're about to blow. Train your jimmy like a prizefighter!
• Switch up your grip and motions. Keep your hands and mind limber. No one likes a one pump chump.
• Try toys and accessories. Fleshlights, Tenga eggs, and butt stuff can take it to new levels. Expand your horizons!
• Make a night of it. Set the mood with some candles, porn ambiance playlists on Spotify, and your favorite dry roasted edamame snack.

Alright, I think it's time for a pop fap quiz (final exam)! Let's see if you were paying attention to Professor XPORNDUDE's Porn Tips:

1) What should you use to protect your device? 

A) Antivirus and adblockers

B) Slick lube 

C) Cock ring

D) Sock on the door knob

2) If you see a sketchy download popup, you should:

A) Whip out your credit card

B) Harvest your organs 

C) Say no and close it

D) Hand over your social security number

3) To avoid malware, you should:  

A) Keep software updated

B) Wear a hazmat suit 

C) Only visit well-known sites

D) Cover webcam with tape

4) When you're done fapping, it's best to:

A) Announce it on social media

B) Send footage to Mom

C) Clear browser history

D) File your taxes

How'd you do perverts? If you answered mostly A's and C's, you just might graduate Cum Laude from XPORNDUDE's Porn Academy! Now go out there and fap freely my children! *XPORNDUDE waves goodbye*

Oh wait, one more thing! Here's a little free porn ditty I wrote for you filthy animals:

*You know XPORNDUDE loves free porn sites, 

It's the best way to spend my lonely nights, 

Searching for clips to get me excited,

Don't want no malware, just big ol titties*

*Pornhub, Xhamster, and Xvideos,

Got more hot clips than diseases,

Squirting, gagging, hentai galore,

Just lock the door before you drop to the floor!*

And that concludes our course on Free Porn 101. Make sure to like and subscribe for more sex education from Professor XPORNDUDE! *XPORNDUDE makes YouTube gestures* Now get to fapping you nasty little cum gremlins! Love ya! Deuces!

And remember - with great busts comes great responsibility. So make sure to have some Wet Wipes or a Towel handy to get that post-fap cleanup on. Can't have you crusting up like an abandoned cum cocoon. Love yourselves and love each other! - X PornDude

Class dismissed! *XPORNDUDE drops mic*

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